Monday, April 21, 2014

These Movies In My Brain

I sometimes get these vivid daydreams and possible occurrences of situations I have been through or may go through. It really seems as if they are fully edited movie reels in my mind that pan out possible outcomes so I know what to expect in any given situation. These outcomes range from incredibly good to my life is near it's end for any situation. The weirdest ones that occur more frequently than not are the ones that are spot for spot accurate to actual human experience, rarely even verbatim speech.
Some examples of this would be my first few job interviews. I played them out time and time again in my head all wanting them to go well and for me to walk away with a new job yet it never happened. The one time I force myself not to play it out, ironically enough, I got that job and had it for exactly one year. Other times would be when I am meeting someone for the first time that I have prior knowledge of, such as parents, extended friends and family, and school/work related higher order. These recreations I cast in my mental cinema usually work up the worst sort of nerves about the intensity of situations. I cause some serious anxiety and paranoia in myself for that simple reason sometimes.
The scary part about this problem is how sometimes these figments of my imagination take on a uniquely lifelike quality and make it difficult to decipher whether they are true or not. This has happened a time or two. It mainly happens when I am tired during stressful moments and I cannot recall certain specifics. This is when I tend to fill the gaps with new details. I cannot control this. It worries me.

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