So in my life, I have taken a seemingly different direction to find love than most males. In a sex obsessive society, I was looking for the person to share the world with. I couldn't seem to believe all the people that I would befriend and then end up in a position known only as the "Friend Zone." This is the most suckish place to be in a friendship. I find the beautiful person that people tend to hide within themselves and I fall for that person. They never want to show their true colors. This has happened on several occasions..
The first memorable occasion was with my friend Clare. Clare and I had been in school together from kindergarten through eighth grade and we had the best friendship. I at the time was very new to the idea of a relationship when I told her about my feelings. It happened to be around seventh grade. I was so nervous and she took it the totally wrong way and I was absolutely crushed. I would eventually get over it and we would remain friends even today. She goes to the University of Wooster in Ohio and studies Poly Sci.
The next moment of this happening was my friend Sarah. I met her my freshman year of high school. She was this small little sheltered girl that I noticed in nearly all my classes. She was quite smart for the level of intelligence that I saw more commonly in all of my classes. So I befriended her very quickly and the feelings mounted in the same fashion. I was upfront this time. I told her flat out that I liked her and she very quickly confronted me back with the fact that she liked me except for my weight and my looks. Now, as a fourteen year old boy I was put down, but more fiery than the feeling of sadness was this overwhelming feeling of spite. Now the feelings I had for Sarah would go through periods of swelling. At times I had little to no feelings for her and at other times it was as though I needed her like a cocaine addict needs a line of blow. This would continue until my junior year. Again, a similar situation, we still remain good friends. We talk mostly when we are home, but we usually keep in loose contact during the regular semester.
The next event is my friend Katie. This is the wreck loose. My junior year I was in band playing at an away game near Murfreesboro, TN and during a cadence in the stands I slipped. When I slid, my leg lost support and my weight pressed on my knee. And in doing this my leg was dislocated. Well on the way to the hospital there was this total spaz in the backseat of the band booster's car and she was talking to me trying to take my mind off of what was happening. Well later we started talking and the feelings of course started growing. And I told her and she very politely told me that she wasn't very interested. But...But! She then over the course of the next several months finds a way to date all of my closest guy friends. So, I took this as a total lie to my face. I confronted her about it and was correct even. So she later would come around to the idea of me and even approached me herself telling me how much she missed me after I went off to college. Yet even then, it wasn't a week and she had a boyfriend. Am I supposed to take that seriously? We haven't talked since this time.
Lastly, there is my friend Megan. I knew her for about two years before anything transpired between us. We were close friends for several months and then we ended up having all the same classes our senior year, and we worked together all year and that closeness just got to me and I fell for her like a rock. We went through several back and forth volleys of the possibility, but nothing ever happened. We remain good friends and still talk nearly daily. We talk about the possibility of being together more now than when we saw each other everyday. Somehow, I see her being the one too. She is such a comfort factor for me that I want to at least experience being with her before I cannot. She is mixed, and they say that race shouldn't play a role in it but to me it only attracts me more. I can honestly say this, I am attracted to that girl through her soul and cannot seem to shake the idea of her being my one. This is said, while I currently date someone here at my school. Megan is different. Megan makes me feel like I am hers without saying a word. There is a chemistry to her that is purely existent through her body language.
On that note, I currently date an amazing girl. Her name is Chelsea and she is far more intelligent than I will ever be. That attracted me from the start and it still binds me up. She is very driven and motivated in everything she does and I find that to be especially unique about her. She has taught me so much about relationships that I was miscommunicated in my first relationship. She is an angel. I owe her the world for fixing me.
My ex.(I will apologize now for some...harsh, vulgar language.) I met her my freshman at a football game. She was cute and adorable. We talked for years through text and phone conversations. It was always on and off with her. We would talk for a bit and then stop. All the while I had not seen her since that game. SO I decided to talk to her one night and just spontaneously asked if I could come see her. So I drove to her house and we talked for hours. I got there at around seven maybe at night and I didn't leave till maybe two, with school the next morning. After we talked, I kissed her and left. We started talking and I went and saw her more and more. We finally started going out in about April of 2013 and it was fine and great. I was experiencing my first "real" relationship. I put everything I had into that girl. I told her everything, I spent every minute with her, and I tried to be a support for her with what she was going through in school and at home. I felt great with her. Well we got a bit too close later on. She ended up in the end using me for her personal benefits while she cheated on me with her ex. I thought I could forgive her for this. And I really tried to forgive her. That is until it happened a second time and when I found out the second time it just so happened that she never stopped before and actually started cheating on me with another guy as well. So I left the situation. The next day started my hell. I received messages from her and her other threatening me that they were going to find me and my family. They left the end to this very ambiguously open for interpretation I guess to seem tough. But, I took this all and kept it to myself until I would go places with friends and I would see them. Then I told my family. My family fully supported me and told me to invite them to the house. I feared them. I didn't know if they were on the next corner or in the next room from me. I remained paranoid for over two months until I came to college. Here I found refuge in new and old friends, along with a new surround. That cheating slut was never good enough. I did nothing wrong. I tried as hard as I could and she didn't ever appreciate that.
God...I thank my friends nearly everyday for being the people they are. Thank you.
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